Welcome sweet spirits and serenity souls to my show that will take you beyond your imagination and through the paranormal that is I, your host, Sagittarius...the Third Eye!
Yes, it is true. PBS tried to have us cancelled last season but we're back! No one can rid the world of I...Sagittarius...the Third Eye!
I can read the mind, the spirit, and soul. Oh yes! And I can foresee the future, and speak through the dead. For *I* am Sagittarius...the Third Eye!
Let us begin our session of enlightment and facination with a chant I wrote this morning. Repeat after me as I chant: Ommmm...George, stop drinking my Diet Pepsi. Ommmm...if you want some, buy it yourself. Ommmm...I need to be thinner for my next appearance on Opera. Ommm...and get your own damn M&Ms!
Excellent. Wrote it myself, I did. Now its time to read our first request. Ahem <clears throat>:
<shocked and embarressed> Why, what is this? How did this get in here? Um, er...Mom! Stop trying to make a fool of me! Ladies and gentlemen, you will have to excuse that last note. We can edit that out, right Rob? Okay, good! Then lets keep moving along.
Ahhh, yes. Recently, I went on a pilgramage to Rishi Kesh to get in touch with my inner self. Along with me, I brought my companions and soul brothers and sisters. Here is an audio recording taken on our journey through this extroadinary land:
John: It's bloody hot out here. Why don't we have air conditioning in this God forsaken hell hole?
George: Don't ask me, I didn't wanna come here. It was Paul's idea. He's the one who dragged us here in the first place.
Paul: Don't call me that! Thats my legal name, my earthly name is Sagittarius...the Third Eye.
Ringo: Yes, yes, We know! You've told us. Anyways, whats for dinner? I'm starving.
George: The Maharishi said its herbal delicacies and roots again. Same old, same old.
Ringo: Oh, for crying out loud! What does it take to get a pizza around here? Or some decent tea, for that matter. Some of this new age tea is like drinking LSD.
Paul: Speaking of LSD...
John: Are you carrying? Maybe that will make this piece of crap land seem a little better!
Ah, the treasured memories. You should have seen us that evening! You might have said we were as lively as four Mexican jumping beetles. Ah ha ha, did you catch my pun! Oh yes, I am trully amazing. I amaze myself.
For days, people have asked me to do what I am about to do next. This is entering a realm undiscovered, untouched, unexplored. Tonight, we will enter that realm and get in touch with our lost companion, Mr.Brian Epstein, our manager who passed away. I am allowing Brian's soul to enter my body and for a brief one minute, he will have full access of I, Sagittarius...the Third Eye. He will speak through me and tell you what death is like. But first, I must contract my body to allow his enterance. <fidgets and squirms>. Okay, he's in there. Now, Brian! Speak! Speak to the people!
<speaks in a deeper voice> Um, er, hello. This is Brian Epstein. I am within Sagittarius and speaking through his body. So...whats up? I mean, what is life like on earth? Death is...um, cool. Nothing new, here. I'm still gay. But you already knew that. Hmmm...okay, I guess I better go now. Farewell!
Wow! Did you hear that? Did you? That was incredible, simply extroadinary. And you saw it here first on Sagittarius...the Third Eye. I'm getting word from out producer that its time to end the show. It has been a pleasure facinating you this evening. Let us end the show with a chant: Ommmm, put down the Diet Pepsi. Ommmm...George, I know what your doing so stop it. Ommmm...